Ninja Café

[G Ninja]

All the Ninjas can talk in here, free from non-Ninja disruptions.

[Friction Ninja]

Hi G Ninja. How are you doing today?

[G Ninja]

I'm doing just fine, thank you. I'm currently doing Ninja push-ups over the keyboard as I type. What a workout! How are you?

[Friction Ninja]

Things were a bit quiet in the Friction Dojo, so I went out and assassinated a few targets that had popped up on the ninja network. Now I'm doing Ninja Laundry while typing with my feet.

[Uber Ninja]

I like the smell of fresh Ninja Laundry! How do you make it smell so good, Friction Ninja?

[G Ninja]

Ninja Bounty.

[Moocher Ninja]

I'm all out of Ninja Bounty, can I borrow some of yours, Friction Ninja?

[Index]

Too many fucking ninjas

[G Ninja]

There can never be enough Ninjas!

[Index]

Lies

[G Ninja]

That can't be a lie. It's a statement of the facts.

[Index]

Lying facts

[Albel Nox]

I agree with Hiruma

[G Ninja]

Well, of course you do. You are bored.

I am the G Ninja.

[Index]

Where black ninja?

[G Ninja]

Über Ninja is black Ninja.

I am the G Ninja.

[Index]

No like african black

[G Ninja]

Oh, he doesn't come on a lot, but when he signs on AIM, I'll tell him to drop by.

[Index]

Ok cool

[Uber Ninja]

We call him Ninja of African Heritage. Otherwise he may get upset.

[Index]

Why not call him Hood Ninja?

[Albel Nox]

Why don't you just call him Ninja of the dark?

[G Ninja]

Rapper Ninja is very touchy about that subject. It's best just to call him Rapper Ninja.

[Index]

Oh his name is rapper ninja lol does he freestyle?

[Uber Ninja]

Freestyle haikus.

[Index]

=o

[G Ninja]

He is currently recording. When he signs on, I'll have him come here and post his MySpace...It's a Ninja MySpace.

[Index]

No Waii!

[Friction Ninja]

The Rapper Ninja is a very accomplished ninja. I have been lucky enough to hear him before his big breakthrough came.

[Commie Viking]

Commie Viking bursts through the doors of the Ninja Cafe.

Commie Viking requests a Cafe Mocha. And death to all Ninjas!

[G Ninja]

G Ninja points to the clerk, "Don't you dare get him his order!"

[Tr00 Viking]

Tr00 Viking bursts through the doors.

"Fuck the Cafe Mocha, I demand ale! ale and vodka! The russians didn't do much right (Pardons, comrade) but with Vodka you can't go wrong!"

Slamming down his axe, he yelled. "AND DEATH TO ALL NINJAAAAAAAS!"

[G Ninja]

G Ninja walks up to Tr00 Viking and swings at his face.

[Index]

Oh Hell Nah You Better Bounce Will All That Nonsense!

[T Viking]

Behind Tr00 Viking is T Viking, the sworn blood brother of Tr00 Viking. Seeing Tr00 Viking swung at, T Viking unsheathes his sword and shield.

"If its a fight ye want, its a fight ye get!"

T Viking uses Heroic Strike (Rank 6) on G Ninja.

[Index]

Slamming down his axe.

Your sig has a sword. Just thought you should know you are not entitled to an axe.

[Commie Viking]

Commie Viking sips his Cafe Mocha that was graciously given to him by the service wench, paying close attention to the battle that's taking place.


Your sig has a sword. Just thought you should know you are not entitled to an axe.

Begone, spineless cur! Commie Viking has no time for your tomfoolery.

[Tr00 Viking]

"A viking has use of all weapons!"

Ignoring the feeble slap that G Ninja lobbed at his direction, Tr00 Viking tossed his shield to the ground.


"BERSERKER...MADNESS...COMMENCE!" With that he ripped off his protective armor, and, standing only in his loincloth, he smashed his sword and his axe together.

"ARRR!" *Editor's note: Now you know where Pirates got that!

Dropping his sword he picked up his shield YET AGAIN, and hurled it at Hiruma. Cackling with glee, he swung his axe at the pinned opponent, cracking his skull.

"I GIVE THIS SACRIFICE TO ODIN!"

[Uber Ninja]

Uber Ninja ninjas out from a sitting booth. The reason he didn't enter the fray right away was because he was eating a piece of apple pie with cinnamon and wipped cream. Uber Ninja is a real ninja after apple pie!

"You vikings better jump on your dingeys and sail back to your own frigid lands of cold pork and pine forests!"

Edit: Uber Ninja was most impressed with the death of Hiruma by the way. Well done!

[Tr00 Viking]

Tr00 Viking shook his fist at Uber Ninja.

"Today, I shall leave. Tomorrow, you shall taste the bite of Rainbow Whirling Leviathan Blow! I leave my armor here so you will never forget!"

With that, he yanked his shield out of the wall, and caught Hiruma by the foot. Dragging him, he walked through the swinging doors, off into the sunset to do Odin-knows-what to the corpse.

[It's a Pirate!!!]

*Loots and plunders*

[Commie Viking]

Commie Viking applauds the death of Hiruma, and laughs heartily whilst stroking his beard. "The time for play is over, Ninjas! Your tomfoolery has come to its end, and Commie Viking is taking it upon himself and his loyal comrades to put an end to this stealthy fad!" Commie Viking says, whilst wiping off his foam mustache.

Commie Viking reaches for his blade and moves to strike Friction Ninja in the throat.

[Moocher Ninja]

Moocher Ninja sits back and calls dibs on necrophilia with Friction Ninja.

"Hey, pirate...share some of that loot, will ye?"

[It's a Pirate!!!]

Don't talk to me!

[Friction Ninja]

"A smelly pirate?!" Friction Ninja stands up from behind the counter and jumps over it to pursue the pirate. She has her back ot the Commie Viking as the blow lands.

At first Friction Ninja doesn't realize it. She doesn't feel the blade as it bites into her neck, grazes her spine and severs several important blood vessels in her neck. She wants to pursue the pirate when she stumbles.
Ninjas don't stumble. She blinks and tries to focuse on the fleeing pirate, but her vision is getting blurry. Suddenly the world starts spinning, and she hears a faint rustling of wind passing by her head as she falls to the cafe floor.

Confused she tries to stand up, tries to ignore the sudden rush in of blackness in her peripheral vision. Suddenly there's movement. She frowns as ninjas she doesn't recognize, but somehow feel a close kindship to approach from the blurry shadows. One holds out his hand, she hesitates but for a moment before reaching out for him.

As she leaves with the other ninjas, she stops and looks back upon herself lying in a pool of blood on the floor. Someone stands over her. She thinks it is G Ninja but isn't sure as the foggy blackness obscures her vision.

"G Ninja. My friction dojo only really came to life whenever you visited." She smiles behind her ninja mask, sure that G Ninja has heard her. She turns and follows the ninjas into eternity.

[Lord Triangulator]

*donald walks into teh bar and ses frition ninja on teh floor*

NOOOOO FRITUON NINJA HOW DID THIS TO U????!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[Lord Triangulator]

I Will Becom A Nijna And Have U Revenged

My Name Donald Im Donald Ninja Now!!!!

[G Ninja]

"FRICTION NINJA! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" This was it, G Ninja had finally broken his perfect Grammar by using two exclamation points at the end of a single sentence. He fell to his knees by Friction Ninja's side, his mask, now an even darker shade of red, was dampened by his tears. "Friction Ninja," he said with a shaky voice, "I never really understood you...I mean...I never tried to understand you...I am so sorry."

G Ninja stands up, and with trembling hands, removes his mask. Now everyone can see G Ninja's face...his true identity:

http://starbulletin.com/2003/06/04/features/art1a.jpg

G Ninja unsheathes his katana, kneels beside Friction Ninja once more, and commits Seppuku. He falls all the way to ground, right beside Friction Ninja and looks her in the eye.

"I am the G Ninj..."

[Commie Viking]

The events unfolded before Commie Viking's eyes in a flash. G Ninja tried to stop Commie Viking's sword strike but it was too late, as it plunged into the back of Friction Ninja's neck, grazing crucial vessels. She had no chance of survival. A wry smile emerged on Commie Viking's face as she fell to the ground.

What happened next could not have been predicted. G Ninja unmasked himself, and unveiled his true identity before killing himself in the most indignant manner. Why was G Ninja willing to throw away his life for someone who he barely understood? It did not make sense to Commie Viking until he saw Friction Ninja's dead face, revealed. He recoiled in horror and fell to his knees, before cawing to the sky:

"HELGAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Friction Ninja was Helga, Commie's former lover and mother of his estranged bastard child. Though she was a Ninja now, in death she will be returned to Valhalla. Commie Viking could not even begin to understand this turn of events, but he remained on his knees as footsteps approached from behind him. A hand touched his shoulder...

[Ninja Viking]

Ninja Viking did away with his ninja camouflage after spectating the events, and rolled up the bottom of his mask to drop his gr1m beard, which longed for the sweet smell of salt-water. He ran to Friction Ninja, gripped her side, and unleashed a deluge of tears onto her; futher damping the crimson that donned her pink attire.

Viking Ninja stumbled onto his feet, wiping his face clean of the ninja's blood and his own manly tears. He took one last look at the downed lady, and then proceeded to take her mask - stuffing it into one of the pocket his ninja garment contains. While still emotionally shooken, he turned to the crowd of ninjas and vikings - directing his immediate view at Commie Ninja. Suddenly, he unleashed a bellowing roar that thundered with the fury of Thor:

"I am the son of Commie Viking and Friction Ninja! I SHALL AVENGE MY MOTHER'S DEATH!"

Viking Ninja unsheathed his sword-axe chucks, made a battle cry, and lunged at his Norseman father.

[Index]

Gay I died x.x

HUSH DEAD PEOPLE CANT SPEAK

[Lord Triangulator]

*nina donald hops up on teh bar*

cry not felow vkigs and nijnas. im donald and i haev combiend teh powr of traingles and teh powwer of vikign rune magic to cal apon odin and ferya and brig back fruiton ninja

[M Viking]

I have appeared to brutally rape the ninja females. My condom of Freya grants me +3 stamina. Bring me your deceased ninja wench.

[Lord Triangulator]

I CAL UPON TEH POWRS OF ODIN AND FREREYA TO BRIG BACK FRUTION NIJNA! HER MY REQUST OIDN AND REYA!!!1

http://img296.imageshack.us/img296/8540/triangles5er0.th.jpg (http://img296.imageshack.us/my.php?image=triangles5er0.jpg)

[Spelling Ninja]

Spelling Ninja, killed earlier by events depicted below:

http://eclipstice.com/images/spellingdeath.gif

miraculously pieces himself back together.

"What happened?" Spelling Ninja inquires as he looks around the room. He catches a glance of Friction Ninja and G Ninja's bodies, "Oh my god! What has happened!? I recall talking to a bearded-man on a six-legged horse and a rat in red clothing...they said they were most bewildered by the spelling mistakes, and that's why I have been brought back to life."

I am the Spelling Ninja.

[kite]

Damn!!!!!!!

[Moocher Ninja]

Damn!!!!!!!

What're you high?

...Let me get some!

[kite]

What're you high?

...Let me get some!


DAMN!!!!!

[Index]

wtf

[Cyborg]

Oh, dear. I seem to have walked straight into a bloodbath.

[Moocher Ninja]

The bloodbath has not yet ended, and I'm sure there are those willing to add robotic parts to the waste pile. Of course we could avoid all of that with a little deal of our own. Say, perhaps, for a few bucks and a look into your system software and hardware?

[Cyborg]

Are you blackmailing me?

[Moocher Ninja]

I'd just like to know a bit more of your infrastructure. If you know what I mean. But being the cyborg you are, you probably aren't programmed to understand sexual innuendo either. If you are, I definitely want to explore your parts and software a bit more.

[Cyborg]

C:\Commands\Hurt_Someone\Laser.exe

Battle sequence initiated.

[Moocher Ninja]

Moocher Ninja ninjas away, noting the as much of the executed script as possible for future knowledge.

I will know all of your moves before you make an action! And you will be bombarded by each of the ninjas whom have trained in the Ninja Dojo.

[Cyborg]

I will know all of your moves before you make an action! And you will be bombarded by each of the ninjas whom have trained in the Ninja Do--
The laser fires and hits Moocher Ninja as he says this.

[Index]

=o

[Moocher Ninja]

Moocher Ninja esplodes

[Techman]

*Floats in through the front door*
Interseting.
*Floats over to the counter and looks around for a clerk*

[Cyborg]

Blows up Techman.

[Index]

=o

[Cyborg]

Gives Hiruma a pat on the head and rockets off to the next one.

[It's a Pirate!!!]

*Loots and plunders.*